Bees!

Children amuse me, especially mine (because I like them so much!) Sitting at the dinner table my youngest said "Daddy, you know if you ever have to get pulled over, you should pretend you're being attacked by bees."

Admittedly she didn't make the idea up on her own, just vaguely remembered a show she might have seen once.

 

Jumble of Words

You know … you never know who is going to read your words. I have a hundred thousand thoughts streaming through my mind, like an overburdened sieve, my mind aches with the stress of it all, my shoulders can’t help but tighten, feeling the heavy weight of so many thoughts at once. (Sure, not ALL of the thoughts are heavy, but if you get enough of them you can still be crushed by feathers.)

I’d share my thoughts more fully, but you do not know who will eventually stumble on them, and while I make a habit of speaking only good about most people, there are those choice few who make you wonder about your resolve.

I nearly went out today, I made it as far as the mail box, but somewhere between the mosquito that buzzed, twisting around my head, attacking only at my eyes, and the empty mail box my energy gave out.

All week long I’ve been dealing with the depression that sets in after returning to Arizona from going away to anywhere else, missing my family who live far away from this desolate ‘wonderland’ (I wonder how I ended up in this land.) but I’ve discovered something new. I knew, but sometimes you discover things over and over again, maybe this time it’ll take.

I discovered that if you aren’t feeling like eating, and so you don’t eat, you don’t feel better. All week long as I’ve nursed an apathy towards food… letting the energy sap away without much more than a backwards glance. I finally began feeling as I blended up a green smoothie just after all the stores closed, the renewal of life… with the thought “Hey, I could go out now… if it were 12 hours ago.”

Time

Time escapes us, like trying to catch a minnow (ew) or a wet bar of soap, it's impossible to grab, and the tighter we try to grab it the easier it seems to drift out of our grip.

Once again I find myself looking onto the children as they go to sleep, I'm gasping for breath wishing I had made a better use of our time together… even with working from home I find that there is not enough time to spend with them… barely enough time to ask them how their day was, to talk about school and what they like before the sun sets on us all and we're once again scrambling for a late (later than I'd choose) bed time.

Where does the time go?  Yesterday was a second ago, and last year was just a minute; I grew up with the impression that there would be enough time, that the time between school and bed time was an eternity… now I see that it's barely a shade of pink on the Horizon before the sun is set and kids have to be in bed.

After the kids came home from school there was time for homework, so we all worked together as I finished work, they finished their chores and home work; the youngest took a shower while the boys played games, between work and dinner we watched 30 minutes of "Wreck it Ralph" (I'm gonna wreck it!!) made dinner, did scriptures / prayers, and had a later than normal bed time.  There simply isn't enough room in the day.  Perhaps there's a solution, but I don't have it.

Winning is that moment where they did each get a five minute private time to talk about their day as I tucked them in, prayed with them each in turn, and rushed them to bed… and even that time was stolen from that magic place where time comes from.