i almost left the house today. I didn’t. But I thought about it.
These days without the children on the weekends kill me, and I wonder what else I can do. When I was first single I’d go driving when they had to visit their moms. I’d explore, try new foods, date. All kinds of anything to occupy my time. But now over six years later I know the ends of the roads and how they always have to come back. I’ve had the food and tried the fancy hotels. I’ve seen what luck and love comes from dating and the motivation isn’t there anymore.
The real problem with dating right now is that I’m stuck. Anyone I’d want wouldn’t want to be here. I let someone borrow my heart once. It didn’t work out well. I feel like the road only leads one way. But then I see the other road, I acknowledge that I’m shallow. My solitude hasn’t made me desperate, I worry it’s made me more of the opposite, what happens to the knight in shining armor when he keeps learning that his princess is in another castle? What happens when he shows up and the princess doesn’t care?
so I almost left the house today. But knowing there isn’t anywhere I wanted to come back from made me stay.